"I Hate My Body"

Raise your hand if you’ve ever said that to yourself. That’s me, on the reg.

I’m the girl who spends hours scrolling and comparing. The one who stands in front of herself in the mirror picking apart every flaw, every roll, every dimple and any other imperfection I can find. And trust me my squinted, negative eyes will find everything.

For years people have talked to me about body positivity. I’d hear the words, but nothing would ever land with me because, well, I just didn’t see it...and in my mind, I was just being honest with myself. Right?

This year has been a struggle for me. I sat there and watched my body gain 23 lbs after an injury while fighting a pretty consistent battle against depression along with a whole lot of self pity that made me lose sight of who I am and what I wanted.

I was afraid to meet up with people because I thought all they would notice about me is how different I looked, and how much weight I had gained. I was embarrassed, ashamed, and honestly feeling pretty lost.  I let my physical image and mental struggle define me.

For the first time in my life, I’ve finally realized that I’m not perfect but I have a choice on how I look, talk to and treat myself - and it’s life altering. I know it sounds like the simplest thing, but to some it us, it’s really not. For the people who have been living this way for years: I praise and admire you. For the people like me who seriously struggle with it, I feel you. I understand you.

It’s been a slow couple of months of micro decisions, better choices and shifting thoughts and I’m finally starting to see positive changes in my body. But the positive changes in my mind have been what have blown me away most when I can finally see myself and appreciate the things my body does for me and the resilience it has to push past everything I put it through.

It takes a lot to share feelings like this, but here’s to smashing the stereotypes of the social media highlight reel. Because life isn’t picture perfect, but the stories we share are perfect enough.

Happy Friday, go eat some bread, and like it.

- Ally

 Photo: Alisha Cowderoy

Photo: Alisha Cowderoy